The L-word

Love is a four-letter word.

Like all four-letter words, it's very powerful -- the impact of "I love you" can be as heavy as "fuck you," though obviously the emotion behind them is different. Still, it's a strong word, a very emotionally loaded word, a word that can have a big effect on the person spoken to.

Also like other four-letter words, it can sometimes be abused. There are people who say "fuck you, you fuckin' fuckwit," and there are people who toss "love" around just as casually ("I love... desk. I love... lamp. I love lamp.") (c'mon, like that wasn't gonna pop into my head). For those people, it loses meaning -- "I love you" becomes no more powerful than "I love pizza."

"Love" doesn't come easily for me. I tend to hold "love" back, not wanting to use the word unless I really, truly mean it. I don't believe in cheapening "love," in using it casually. If I say it, it's because I believe it, because I know deep down, without a doubt, that it is, in fact, love, not just some passing affection for which "love" is a too-handy label.

It shouldn't surprise anybody, then, that "love" isn't a word I've used all that much in my life when talking to other people. For a very long time, I saved "love" for my parents. In college, I was able to expand it to my friends -- I love my friends, in a platonic and sister-like way. And now, there's this, and while I don't use the word easily, I can use it here. I'm in love.