Day 21: Silence

Three weeks. How am I still standing?

Yesterday was rougher than I thought it would be. I had been doing so well, almost three days without crying. But yesterday... it was just wrong, all wrong. It was our anniversary. We should have been together and celebrating. I couldn't help thinking back to a year before and two years before, or even back to a few months ago, when everything seemed right and everyone seemed happy. Why did it all have to go so horribly wrong?

I haven't heard anything from him in a while, either. I waited yesterday all day, thinking he might get in touch, 'cause he's not the kind of guy to forget dates like that. Of course, part of me knows that he was probably thinking what I was thinking: "geez, I should call or something ... but what should I say?"

Horrible, horrible and wrong, this whole thing. It's not supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to be with him, not sitting here alone day after day, wishing he'd call while simultaneously wishing he wouldn't, 'cause I don't want him to hurry into anything he might not really mean.

Why does everybody else on this planet get to be happy, while I finally find some happiness, only to have it abruptly snatched away from me? It's just so wrong. Everything's wrong now, like the sky is pink and the grass is blue -- up is down, left is right, and Joe and I are awkwardly silent.