Slow

Sometimes, I get frustrated always being the one who's behind -- last to gain some self-esteem, last to find a boyfriend, last to enjoy shopping and look decent, last to move out. I mean, I know that things can't be rushed, that they happen when I'm ready and it just seems to take me longer to be ready for different stages of my life. I guess it's just because I didn't grow up skinny, or confident, or well-off.

Part of me sometimes gets jealous because other people have more, are more well-established, and most of them are younger than I am (every friend except one, actually). But then again, everybody has to play the hand they're dealt, and a lot of people just had better cards than I did to begin with. Some people had a lot of advantages that helped them along: maybe they were born to be skinny and beautiful, or maybe they were outgoing children who felt good about themselves. I, on the other hand, haven't caught any breaks like that. I've had to work at everything. It's all been a struggle, physically and psychologically and financially, and I've had to pull myself up, scratching and digging, on my own.

I guess when I look at it that way, I don't feel so bad. I may not be all settled, and it might be a long time still until I'm ready to take the last steps to get there, but for what I came from, from what I had to work with at the start, I've come pretty far.