(no subject)
Sep. 8th, 2006 01:22 amIs there a such thing as "normal"?
If there is, why do I have to be so abnormal?
If there isn't, how do people cope with and hide their abnormality so well?
It's been a wretched couple of days. Good to see that when I come back to LJ, all of my friends are having a drama-fest. Like I haven't had enough stress lately. In the past month, it's like my whole life is threatening to collapse around me. All of my stability crumbling, my mental state shaky... I hardly know which way is up these days. I spend too much time confused, depressed, hollow or numb. I don't know where to turn sometimes, if anywhere. I wish I could just rewind my brain, back to when I was happy all the time, and just hold it there, just keep that feeling all the time, no worries, no problems, everything's gonna be fine and things will be happy and bright.
I just wanna crawl in a hole sometimes, just go to sleep and never wake up. But then, I'll swing back and things will be usual and good for a while, all contentment and peace and sweetness and light, just long enough for me to remember why it's worth going on, why things are good, why I should know that everything's gonna work out fine. And then it all slips away again, for a while, and I feel like I'm losing everything, like I don't know where I'm going or if I'll make it that long.
If there is, why do I have to be so abnormal?
If there isn't, how do people cope with and hide their abnormality so well?
It's been a wretched couple of days. Good to see that when I come back to LJ, all of my friends are having a drama-fest. Like I haven't had enough stress lately. In the past month, it's like my whole life is threatening to collapse around me. All of my stability crumbling, my mental state shaky... I hardly know which way is up these days. I spend too much time confused, depressed, hollow or numb. I don't know where to turn sometimes, if anywhere. I wish I could just rewind my brain, back to when I was happy all the time, and just hold it there, just keep that feeling all the time, no worries, no problems, everything's gonna be fine and things will be happy and bright.
I just wanna crawl in a hole sometimes, just go to sleep and never wake up. But then, I'll swing back and things will be usual and good for a while, all contentment and peace and sweetness and light, just long enough for me to remember why it's worth going on, why things are good, why I should know that everything's gonna work out fine. And then it all slips away again, for a while, and I feel like I'm losing everything, like I don't know where I'm going or if I'll make it that long.
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