I'm continually amazed by this strange new world I'm in, this place called "love."
He takes such good care of me, and it's just constantly, wow, y'know? I mean, he always seems to know what I need, what I'm feeling, if I'm upset or tired or sick or whatever. He knows things in my mind that I don't even know, not until he points them out, even small things, like tonight, he went downstairs and got me a drink when I said I didn't really want one, but when it was in my hand, yeah, I was thirsty after all. It's like some sort of telepathy -- I mean, we were talking tonight, and he said something that I didn't believe and didn't think was true, but when he said it, it resonated, like a vibrating string, part of my brain going "yeah, that's it!" He can see farther into me than even I can.
Whenever I find myself getting comfortable, feeling settled in, something else pops up to remind me that this is still something new. I've never been loved and taken care of by a man, and some little part of me is constantly amazed by it, constantly stepping back and marveling. It's hard sometimes to relax and enjoy, hard to let myself be weak when I grew up being yelled at for crying, hard to let someone take care of me after I worked so hard at hardening myself to be independent, hard to feel like the screwed-up one after so many years trying to put up a front of normalcy, whatever that is. Some part of me still feels bad, guilty, whenever I get upset or try to talk something out of my system. And it's hard for things to get through my shell and sink in sometimes. It took me a lot longer than it took him to really accept, deep down, that he really does love me, and some of the other things that follow on that are still sinking in, though I didn't really realize it until tonight, until he told me.
Part of me is glad he's such a patient man, and part of me just figured out that that statement was a hint all along, somehow. The first step to any challenge is realizing what you're facing, though, and he helped me see that tonight. I know he'll be there for me as I work it all out.
He takes such good care of me, and it's just constantly, wow, y'know? I mean, he always seems to know what I need, what I'm feeling, if I'm upset or tired or sick or whatever. He knows things in my mind that I don't even know, not until he points them out, even small things, like tonight, he went downstairs and got me a drink when I said I didn't really want one, but when it was in my hand, yeah, I was thirsty after all. It's like some sort of telepathy -- I mean, we were talking tonight, and he said something that I didn't believe and didn't think was true, but when he said it, it resonated, like a vibrating string, part of my brain going "yeah, that's it!" He can see farther into me than even I can.
Whenever I find myself getting comfortable, feeling settled in, something else pops up to remind me that this is still something new. I've never been loved and taken care of by a man, and some little part of me is constantly amazed by it, constantly stepping back and marveling. It's hard sometimes to relax and enjoy, hard to let myself be weak when I grew up being yelled at for crying, hard to let someone take care of me after I worked so hard at hardening myself to be independent, hard to feel like the screwed-up one after so many years trying to put up a front of normalcy, whatever that is. Some part of me still feels bad, guilty, whenever I get upset or try to talk something out of my system. And it's hard for things to get through my shell and sink in sometimes. It took me a lot longer than it took him to really accept, deep down, that he really does love me, and some of the other things that follow on that are still sinking in, though I didn't really realize it until tonight, until he told me.
Part of me is glad he's such a patient man, and part of me just figured out that that statement was a hint all along, somehow. The first step to any challenge is realizing what you're facing, though, and he helped me see that tonight. I know he'll be there for me as I work it all out.
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